The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize