i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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