Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize