after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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