I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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