I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
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I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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