I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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