end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
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Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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