This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize