cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
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The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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