Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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