So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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