my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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