His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
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Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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