Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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