i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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