I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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