actually, I'm a sock model
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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