I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize