i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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