we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
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I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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