I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
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Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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