Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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