Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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