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My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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