You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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