I think I died a long time ago.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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