You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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