I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize