you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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