So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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