Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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