wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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