just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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