ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize