I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize