So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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