and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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