I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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