I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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