So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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