booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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