I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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