the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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