Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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