we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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