You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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