i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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