textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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