BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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